Wind farm in autumn

A lovely moment as I drove home towards the weekend early this evening. The theme music from "Hawaii Five O" was playing on the radio and the sails of the wind turbines moved slowly against a clear autumn sky. Difficult to explain how the moment contained a strange and gentle symmetry, a glimpse of harmony and order amidst the usual daily hustle and bustle.

One day I will wander with my basket through a wind orchard, picking up the windfalls and discarded breezes, the not quite good enough little gusts...I will bring them home and make jam that will drift above my toast for breakfast.

The Sauce of the Tartar Landlord

You never know what delights await you when you venture out of the city into the myriad villages that lie like buckshot spread across the Northamtonshire landscape. It was on one such Saturday lunchtime venture that we found ourselves in a village pub with a reputation for good food. But why so empty? Whither the slug who left its silvery trail on the carpet beneath our table? Whither the person(s) unknown who had first used the paper napkin placed carefully at one of our place settings?

The serving of tartar sauce that arrived with the fish (soggy batter, unskinned fish) seemed to bubble strangely. A lively dish indeed. When we complained at the end of the meal, the landlord was affronted. "It cannot be! They just opened a new large jar in the kitchen". He then proceeded to take one of our knives, dipped it into the sauce and tasted it - not once but twice. And declared the sauce to be fine.

Now, I may be just a simple soul, but this behaviour seemed odd on two accounts. Firstly, you would normally graciously apologise that not everything was to sir and madam's liking (as I said, I am a simple soul without pretentions!) - not dispute the fact. Secondly, using a used knife seems a little lax on the hygiene front - and who is to say that he did not use that same dish of sauce for the next unwitting diners?! The sauce of the man, and he with gastronomic pretentions!

A Life on the Ocean Wave

So, a number of Royal Navy personnel were found to be positive to cocaine during a random drug screening test. It certainly gives a new twist to being on the high seas. If they had been in the merchant navy, it would also have given a new meaning to the P & O Line. I bet they felt like right Charlies.

Trick Cycling

Heartening to hear on the radio news this morning that Great Britain's successful Olympic cycling team have a psychologist on board, only figuratively in the saddle. This adds new meaning to the old description of psychologists as "trick cyclists".

Another thought occurred to me... with the government's new-found enthusiasm for "talking therapies", perhaps we should have a tag line - not a tag race - along the lines of "Trick cyclists not Tricyclics"?

Ice Cream Leakage

Another lovely traffic report - a leakage of icecream from a tanker on the A1 today. Can this really be a measure of the pleasure I find each day? The only thought I could come up with was the hope that any delays did not create a ripple effect.

Fantasy Folk Museum

The theme of misnomers continued when we had our holiday in Bulgaria and visited the small village of Bulgari, nothing to do with the designer scent of that name. But there was a distinct whiff of alcohol. We met a chap in the neighbouring village who was well set up for the day by lunchtime. As we waited in the local bar for our kufti, beer and chips, he swayed gracefully as he waited to board the small bus back to his bar-less village. When we arrived sometime later in the said village, he was there to greet us, beer in hand. I had a fleeting thought that he might have been dually employed by these villages to serve as their resident inebriated person to entertain the tourists, which at that time consisted of the five of us.

It was a cunning plan. He must have alerted the proud owner of the local folk museum that gullible people had arrived in the village. She approached us with a hungry smile, her eyes rolling with leva and sejinki signs (the local currency). She escorted us to the folk museum. An architecturally interesting building not far removed from the gingerbread cottage in Hansel & Gretel, and clearly a museum because the sign proclaimed it to be such. We entered to see a sad collection of old things, bits of agricultural equipment, some old costumes, all labelled with hand-written signs which explained nothing. Underfoot, old folk lino. We made appreciative noises so as not to offend, but our enjoyment clearly had a price out of all proportion to the experience. Such a contrast to the kindly woman in the local church.

Now we have plans to add a museum feature to our fantasy B&B. We have many old things, some of them we might even know something about, and plenty of sticky labels and marker pens. We can add more artefacts from our visits to the local car boot sale, thus providing an ever-changing display of old things, strictly within a folk tradition. We just need to put up the museum sign and we're in business. Come early to avoid disappointment.

Fantasy Bed & Breakfast

We were disappointed when we arrived at our pre-booked B&B in what appeared to be a small suburban area rather than the village location we expected. Our mood was not helped by how quickly we perceived that the place was neither a "bungalow" nor a "farm" as it's name had aspiringly suggested. We made our excuses and left, preferring to drive around for hours in the darkening evening to find somewhere else - which in the end turned out to be our own home.

If we decide to turn said home into a B&B, we clearly have free rein to call it whatever we wish. I like "Sea View", quaintly aspiring in the heart of landlocked Northamptonshire. Other possibilities include "The Old Granary" [we have a wooden bread bin] and "The Old Rectory" [there is a bible and prayer book somewhere].

Full English Breakfast (we will buy cheap cereals and put in branded boxes- similarly with the jams and sauces). Lots of lacey things and knitted covers for the spare bog rolls (sorry, toilet tissues). Rates on request - why not book your luxury weekend away from it all right now?!