Shall I compare thee to.....?

This year, Shakespeare's birthday found me queuing at my local butcher's, bargain packs in hand. For the record, chicken fillets and pork rib chops. These were beautifully juxtaposed with the back of the woman in front of me in the queue. Across this broad canvas, a selection of illustrations were randomly scattered. It was the poem which caught my eye, something about being on an ocean wave. I was sad that I could only read the first four lines, for the back of her dress did not drop far enough for me to read any further. I imagined that even in Kettering it would be poor form to pull the material back a bit to get a better view. Thus I was left in a state of poetic bereftness, never to know the rhyme promised but not delivered, cut off mid-stanza as I stood transfixed in this emporium, this temple of flesh, of which only some was for sale.

Was this butcher poetry or poetry butchery? I feel a sleepless night approaching.

New Drug Menace

News reaches me today of a new and terrifying drug whose use has started to spread rapidly. It has been synthesised by a secret government laboratory - don't ask me how I know! - to interfere with the minds of workers in the NHS and Social Services. The drug is so powerful that workers have to be prepared for exposure to it by attending special meetings, often in secluded places away from prying eyes. At these meetings, they are forced to engage in mind-numbing exercises, reciting lists of policies and government acronyms and legislation. The idea is to help build up a level of tolerance to the soporific effects of the drug prior to its administration by highly trained dealers. At a recent meeting, workers were seen battling to stay awake. There is also a paradoxical effect, as felt by some workers who had bouts of uncontrollable laughter.

Unfortunately, when you are actually exposed to the drug, the effects are very unpleasant. You can experience fear of what will happen if you cannot answer questions, often accompanied by feelings of paranoia that they are trying to catch you out. The situation is made worse by the circulation of fake drugs - you only find out later you were exposed to a dummy drug to test and prepare you for the real thing. And the name of this drug? CQC - carboxy-quasi-choline. You have been warned.

Unsung Hero of the Easter Bunny

An eventful Easter Saturday. I had been charged with looking after my daughters' rabbit [Smokey] and it did not take long for my highly trained eye to notice that she was not well - in some distress, unable to stand, not too dissimilar from me in the old days after a night out with the substance misuse team. Some quick phone calls, a visit to the vet - remembering to take Smokey the second time [only joking!] - and a depot injection, then all was sorted. Another chapter of unsung heroism, and this time Easter was also salvaged. Nice that my daughters will come home to a healthier rabbit.

Unsung Hero of Nature Photography

I had an interesting encounter with two swans earlier in the week. Not many people can say that. It was at a pond designated as a haven for wildlife, close to East Beach at Selsey - if you wish to visit the site to attempt a re-enactment.



I had bought a ham and cheese roll, an iced bun with a cherry on the top, and a can of Mackeson original stout - I did not realise they still made this, I remember my grandfather drinking it. A perfect picnic - to sit on the beach just watching the sea. I imagine spending my retirement staring out to sea, thinking of horizons to come and of horizons long gone. What fascinating reading will be my retirement blog, PsychoDel's Dun Psyching. Sounds vaguely oriental.

I passed the swans and thought they would make a good profile picture for a social networking website but we had a breakdown in communication - they thought I was being sociable by offering to share my sandwich and I thought they were being unsociable by not adopting the correct pose. I won't even mention the webbbed feet. They hissed menacingly when I bravely retrieved my sandiwch from the picnic table where I had left it to fiddle ineffectually with my camera. I understand in a theoretical way that an angry swan could break someone's leg - I hear that the Selsey swan massive will break your legs if you just look at them in the wrong way, let alone attempt to get a picture - and I did not want to enhance this understanding with experiential knowledge.

I had my picnic, notwithstanding that my sandwich possibly had fleeting beak contact with one of the swans, and then returned to take a photograph unencumbered with my comestibles. This is the bravery and tenacity of an unsung hero, and reminded me of an incident on Lundy when I scrambled over rocks to get a good angled shot of the sea through a rocky aperture - my daughters were watching this little venture when I suddenly disappeared from view, just as my eldest was trying to take a photograph of me taking a photograph of the sea. I returned to the girls with a very muddy backside and a bleeding elbow - and the photograph of the sea through a rocky aperture! Like I said - tenacity. And idiocy.

"Thank you for visiting today"

This was a sign I noted on leaving a retail park. In a sense, we are all just visiting today.

More Misadventures in DIY - on top of the world.

This is a late update of the little adventure I had when trying to replace the felt roofing on our modest summer house in the late days of last summer. It went reasonably well but far from perfect - I did not fix one edge because it began to rain as well as getting dark, and subsequent strong winds caused a bit of a tear. I am scared to look at the consequences - I found the work absolutely tiring and stressful, I am just not made for this kind of work. I imagine myself as more of a thinker than a doer - that explains a lot! I will try to upload a picture of this memorable moment.

Dinosaurs

Dinosaurs are in the news again today. They certainly have media longevity. I learnt at school that they disappeared 65 million years ago. My school days are long past, but it is still reported as 65 million years ago - a perspective on the passing of time and on the transience of an individual life.