Beer Spill

A wonderful (or amazing; cf high vis jkts) traffic report on the radio yesterday. A lorry had shed its load of beer cans near a motorway junction. I tried so hard to come up with some appropriate witticisms, but the barrel clearly needs changing or the pipes need clearing. I imagined all those drivers caught in the long queues foaming at the mouth - if it had been Stella Artois, then it would have been "reassuringly inconvenient". The advice that "all good things that come to those who wait" would not have been well received, even by the Guinness drinkers. The lorry driver himself was probably feeling bitter about it. Further suggestions? - your round, I believe.

People Not to Invite to Dinner Parties

Obviously this is a slightly personal and biased view - please, do not totally exclude these people from normal social interactions. Today I speak only of the men - for yea, often they are - who provide the long, ponderous commentaries for the kind of historical re-enactments one sees in castles and other such historical places throughout the summer months. Full of dates and circumstantial detail, bereft of emotion. And the obligatory warning not to try this at home - how often have I felt like letting off a cannon in my back garden - never mind the neighbours, that would be no bad thing, but that's another story..! - or trying a bit of jousting with my beloved - now, there's a thought, if I can get the armour, a sort of armour d'amour...but I digress.
I have every respect for the enthusiasm of these people and all those who do the re-enactments, I am sure it brings history alive. But please, not at my dinner table.

Fluorescent Display

I suppose to be chemically correct, I should refer to "high visibilty jackets". A caller to the local radio station described how he had seen about ten men wearing said jackets on a motorway bridge he had just passed under. They had clipboards - half were looking at north-bound traffic, half at southbound. The caller described this as "an amazing sight". Mmm. I am not sure if Wordsworth would have got far with "A host of men in golden jackets..." I guess we all drive to a different muse.

Beltane Braces

Rather late in the day, Beltane greetings to all. I can't justify the title, other than I liked the sound of it. Maybe it is about bracing myself to compose this post. A combination of a late night last night and a busy day ahead precluded me from greeting the sunrise this morning, and I daresay a burst of enthusiastic drumming to greet the dawn would not have gone down too well with the neighbours - but no bad thing!

Strange....a vivid nightmare a couple of nights ago, perhaps presaging today - my shed and garden fence were consumed by flames. What could it mean? Burning fences rather than bridges? I watched in a detached way from my semi-detached bedroom window, and at the last minute decided to try and connect the garden hose to deal with the blaze - but too late. A hole where once the shed stood. The link with fire is clear - did I recount my memorable fire-walk of three years ago? Did I speak of my almost psychotic obsession with a local pagan woman in the build up to Beltane 5 years ago? The heart burns in a strange way.

Mexican Yawn

The three of us, my two daughters and I, sat on the sofa at the tail end of a Saturday and yawned in sequence. To be fair, I needed to prompt the youngest to complete the wave. And who said that families no longer make their own entertainment?

Plumbing New Depths - further misadventures in DIY

I think the passing of a fortnight has given me sufficient distance to record my ill-fated attempts to install a new tap in the kitchen. It all looked so straightforward, once I had worked out a contorted position that was not too painful to gain access to the securing nut. It all fell apart as I started to disconnect the flexi bits, only to find they had been installed in a rather strange way, the whole system under the sink looking very Heath Robinson-ish. Needless to say, I somehow or other caused a leak I could not stop, resulting in having to call out an emergency plumber - not a good idea for an incompetent delusional DIY-er to attempt something like that on a Sunday. At the same time, unwittingly I had turned off the water to my neighbour's house - no bad thing, but that is another story.

Dream Oranges

Oh the weirdest of dreams last night, arising from unknown depths. I moved my car from a parking space and somehow manoevered it into another space, by which time it had become a white van and was axle deep in oranges. I was pleased with my efforts, but when I returned to my vehicle to go home, I realised that I was completely stuck.

This is a fragment of a larger dream which was emotionally charged and vivid, the emotional vestiges of which remained with me all day. I tried to understand it in terms of being stuck in a jam - which might have worked if I was axle deep in strawberries, for example, but being stuck in marmalade seemed a bit strange.